Crossing a Threshold

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Two weeks from now, we will be sitting in the Bryce Jordan Center honoring a group of Pennsylvania State University graduates including our daughter Emily. Over the last few years, we have held close to the present moment while also understanding how quickly this day would come. And here we are.

It has been a journey, Boo, and what a beautiful one. You have held your heart high learning how to find your way at a huge university during a pandemic. You have embraced your passions of rowing and connecting with a team both at Penn State and Victoria University of Wellington. You’ve worked with your teammates to raise funds and awareness for THON through the years. You have made lasting friendships and memories that your heart will carry through your lifetime.

In the classroom, you’ve excelled at your academics by making the dean’s list every semester and participating in research studies with your professors on campus. Just this semester you’ve healed through a broken hip and are on your way back into your running shoes. What a weekend we are coming out of even now … celebrating together 30 years of our Penn State Crew family. It is an honor to now hold with you the space of two generations of Penn State grads, and also the space of two generations of PSU Crew alum.

In addition to filling your time on campus and in town, you have remained an integral part of our immediate family by sharing time between home here in Centre County and home in Western NY. A massive piece of sharing your time with family has been your dedication to embracing Grandpa over these past six years while he’s been under our care. Your love, presence, and countless moments spent with G’Pa through these years have held him here. You lit up his world from Day 1, Peanut, and his dream was to witness you cross this threshold of receiving your diploma in two weeks. He almost made it. And, even though he won’t be sitting with us in that auditorium in two weeks, I know full well both he and G’Ma, Aunt Becky, Grandpa Bob, and an army of your radiant ancestors will be holding your hand as you cross that stage to receive your degree.

Here is to your fierce and gentle heart. Here is to your dreams. Here is to your future as you help light the way forward. We absolutely love you. We are so proud of you. We are—ancestors included—cheering you on every step of the way

WE ARE!!!

The Truth Mandala

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How are you doing?

We are all are landing on the collective threshold of the U.S. election. Many of us are reeling. Many of us are celebrating. Many of us are wondering how to navigate between these two worlds.

In moments like this, I am learning to lean in and then reach out. Below, you will see an invitation to participate in a sacred gathering online to help move through the emotions of this time. There is no cost to attend. Pre-registration is required. Please consider joining us if you are feeling called to connect. All of the details are listed below.

Questions can be directed to my dear friend Rachel Allen at rachel@yogasong.net.

Are you struggling with anger, numbness, grief, despair?

Do you know that this is a healthy, normal response to these times?

Would you appreciate a container that can hold all of these things and support us in a process that both metabolizes suffering and potentially frees us for creative, life affirming action?

Join us in a practice of the Truth Mandala from The Work That Reconnects. 

This group process from eco-Buddhist scholar Joanna Macy, is a ritual that honors our pain as coming from a caring, connected heart space.

The paradox of honoring our pain can actually open us up to deeper levels of compassion and joy and be the foundation for both fruitful action and sustainability in these times.

The Truth Mandala Practices:
Centering/Grounding
Breathwork
Somatic Practices
Group Sharing/Reflection
Singing

You can also participate by holding space as a silent and sacred witness if you choose not to share.

Join us Sunday, November 10th
6:00 - 7:45 PM Eastern
Zoom
There is no cost
Pre-registration is a must
Please click here to register
(This event will not be recorded)

How to prepare:
Wear comfortable clothes
Have water/tea
Journal and pen (optional)

For the ritual:
A stone, dry leaves, a stick, and an empty bowl

Meet Your Facilitators:

Rachel Allen, BA, CMP, E-RYT200 is a Healing Arts Practitioner, writer, and lifelong activist. She is a student and practitioner of The Work That Reconnects and is a member of the Founders Circle of the School for the Great Turning. She is committed to engaging people from all walks of life in the healing arts to create healthy, diverse and joyful communities. www.yogasong.net

Jennifer Archibald, BS, EEM-CP is an Energy Medicine Practitioner, Reiki Master, and writer. Through her sacred work, she connects with and helps to nurture a global community of individuals to help recognize and embrace our radiance, health, and creative potential. www.theenergyexperience.net

My Daughter

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There is a lot I can say about my daughter.

What comes to mind this very moment is how resilient and determined she is. This time last week she started working with an orthopedic surgeon who was evaluating her for a stress fracture in the neck of her left femur. She was scheduled for an MRI Wednesday and, depending on the results, she’d either go into surgery as soon as possible and/or remain on crutches for the next six to eight weeks. Either way, she was going to need to look at the next two months very differently. I witnessed her making immediate adjustments moment by moment as this very new information was coming forward, understanding this last semester of school suddenly looked very different.

It was determined that she would in fact go into surgery so that two screws could be utilized to help reinforce her femur. Remarkably this was her first surgery and she did great. Deep breaths and now to invite the healing process to begin!

She is still required to be on crutches for six to eight weeks and is adjusting in stellar ways. Fast forward to this week and she has exceeded all expectations, making her way around town and campus like a champ. Her dad and granddad were due last weekend for a visit and lo and behold, this image of her was taken by her dad when they went out Friday night for a drink and a piece of pizza. I am finding despite the frustrations she faces at times, her spirit rises to the occasion and she creates a new pathway forward.

On this day celebrating daughters, I honor mine in more ways than I can count. Here’s to you, Emily. May you continue to shine your light even during the darkest of moments.

I love you ❤️

Until next time I offer these words of wisdom for better or for worse. Please take them with a grain of salt for we each live our own individual truths. Our mission while we are here is to understand, accept, and celebrate that one very simple, but incredibly significant fact. For all this, I am grateful.

The "Firsts"

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They say the “firsts” are the hardest. I’m somewhat on board with that feeling, although I had a lot of “firsts” with my mom’s passing that were not typical. For my dad, we honored his first birthday this past Thursday since his passing in January. He would have been 82.

To be honest he was not much of a birthday guy and argued each year about not wanting to celebrate and grumbled about getting older and less able-bodied. He was angry at his body and so we did our best to cheer him regularly, especially on each of the six birthdays he was with us after my mom’s passing. It felt important to share with him that we were glad he was still here with us and experiencing more of life with us than he ever had the opportunity to do so before. Celebration was not something he and my mom practiced easily.

I dreamt of him in the early hours of his birthday on Thursday. We embraced tightly as if we hadn’t seen each other in a very long time. He was happy. What a gift I was given! I cherish the moments in dreams we connect, and each time I am reminded that he is doing well.

We have memories to lean into and I am glad to have photos of him from earlier times. In this image, he is on the beach near where I lived in Florida with my faithful companion Brown Dog. He looks strong and healthy, straight and happy. He had many health challenges already at this time, and yet I will hold him in this place for a while in my heart feeling his love and seeing his smile, hearing the gentle surf of that day, feeling the sun on our skin, and sharing a peaceful moment of connection.

Happy birthday, Papa. I’m so glad we had an extra six years. I love you ❤️

Until next time I offer these words of wisdom for better or for worse. Please take them with a grain of salt for we each live our own individual truths. Our mission while we are here is to understand, accept, and celebrate that one very simple, but incredibly significant fact. For all this, I am grateful.

Closing the Circle

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We spent the long weekend honoring my dad and laying to rest his and Mom's ashes. We now close the circle of her sudden passing six years ago and complete this chapter of learning how to become spontaneous caregivers for Dad who has needed us so desperately.

I realize on the other side of this weekend I can now start to reframe the stories, experiences, hardships, and heartaches of being parented by two incredibly lovely, yet devastatingly out of balance individuals. They were trying to do their best. Life is full of contrasts, isn’t it? I have so much deep healing to do and stories to understand. I know I would not be who I am today without the family who raised me. Blessing upon blessing, I have also been raised (and continue to be raised) by so very many who are not related to me through bloodlines.

One thing I know for certain is that I have needed community to help care for and advocate for us especially in dire times. I've learned I cannot and do not want to journey on my own in this lifetime. No man (or woman) is an island, yet this is the message I was taught and shown for 42 years. For my mom and my maternal lineage especially, asking for assistance was shown to be a weakness and significant lack of character. How debilitating this message was and how my heart goes out to all who are not able to trust others and reach out for help when they need it most.

Now more than ever we also need to be fully accountable, honest, and vulnerable. How else are we going to make it? Every day this is our choice.

The clarity created out of absolute necessity these past six years has provided a canvas upon which to build a solid new foundation. I will begin to build again. Rest is first though: my mind has been overwhelmed, my body is exhausted, and my spirit absolutely needs quiet and stillness and space to learn how to breathe again.

I hope to write more about all of this when I find the balance in my heart and in words. I feel there will be many words to share.

For now, I thank all who have offered love, support, and encouragement through the years. I see you and I hold you close. For the first time in so many years, I am starting to see the light of hope and joy and connection in the future again.

Image: the meadow space at home where I plan to spend a lot of time in the coming months laying on the ground and coming back to foundational basics.

Until next time I offer these words of wisdom for better or for worse. Please take them with a grain of salt for we each live our own individual truths. Our mission while we are here is to understand, accept, and celebrate that one very simple, but incredibly significant fact. For all this, I am grateful.

Dear Dad

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Dear Dad,

For you, a perfect Sunday was to start off by sharing a big breakfast with us along with a Bloody Mary (with bacon, of course!) and then to get the Steelers on.

On this Sunday afternoon I sit here at the dining room table. This brisk and wild January wind is blowing all of the sets of chimes out there on the deck, and the late afternoon sun is pouring through the window warming my face and my tears as they pour down my cheeks.

On this Sunday afternoon I sit here equipped with my Bloody Mary (with bacon, of course) and my pen and pad. Through tears of happiness and heartbreak I begin to collect some thoughts.

How do I encapsulate the legacy of your 81+ embodied years… living as an absolutely stellar, loving, faithful, heartfelt, kind, gentle, soft, wise, humble, community-minded, service-oriented, nurturing, fun, and generous human being? You carried more integrity in your little finger than most in their entire being-ness. You were also daring, adventurous, naughty, rebellious, and dangerous (a bit, haha). You are truly a good man and a badass too. And… swoon… sooo handsome (I know, I know… you always brushed off compliments, yet they kept coming).

You are my best friend, #1 cheerleader from Day 1, lifelong confidant, and Anam Cara. You are the greatest father I could have ever asked, dreamed, prayed, and hoped for. You have been the best G’Pa for Emily for almost 22 years, and then being here for Lili as a bonus-G’Pa these past nine years. You have been the best brother for your sister. You have been the best father-in-law for both Jeff and for David. You have been a best friend to all you meet. Above all, you were the most amazing, loving, and loyal partner for your wife of 60 years. We let you know last week your mission was to reconnect with Mom, and wow, I hope your reunion has been glorious. I truly hope and pray all is well now.

We are so damn blessed to have six extra years with you after Mom’s sudden passing in 2018. With you living with us, we three generations saw and experienced life to the fullest together. All of it. You didn’t even miss a beat with your move to receive 24-hour care at the Hollidaysburg Veterans’ Home in August 2022. We have been blessed to still share time with you often, and I am delighted that even on those days we were together in person we’d still be on the phone three, four, five, six times a day checking in on each other. We always told each other we loved each other more than once on those calls. I heard you share those three words for the last time last Monday… so almost a week ago... I will treasure that, and will also hold close in my heart the last gaze and smile you gifted me Thursday.

I feel hollowed knowing the phone now will not ring with you on the other line. I hold hope and pray you and I remain close. I still need you, and even while I celebrate you and am so proud of your great big and wondrous Heavenly step Friday, I have absolutely no idea how to live life without you now…. I am gutted knowing you’re not in your bedroom here at our home. My heart aches with how much I already miss you. Even though you were small in stature, you carried a huge heart presence. I am feeling that loss of your physical presence and yet I feel your heart and love everywhere now… it is going to take me some time to adjust, I know.

Dad, you were not only a stellar human within our family circle, you embraced everyone in the greater community circles to feel like family too. In these last six years especially, I have witnessed and learned (up through even today) how you have touched so many people’s lives. You are a healer and and a helper: one who has been placed here to most definitely make the world a better place.

Aside from being my father, you have also been my first teacher and mentor. Even in your last moments you were showing me how much there is to see when we slow down, remain soft and steady and quiet, remain present, and breathe. You showed me what it was to experience a very good death. I have so much to learn from you still… we all do. Please continue to teach us. I am so proud of and happy for you and I am learning how to celebrate your passing with all my might.

I pray I follow in your footsteps as you lead. I will forever be grateful for everything… thank you.

I wish for you sunset walks on the beach with Mom. I know you two always loved that threshold place of sun, wind, sand, and water.

I wish for you access to a lot of fast cars, motorcycles, helicopters, and hot-rod vintage beauties with big engines. Jeeps and old Mustangs, especially... I hope you can work on them there too ‘cause that’s what you loved to do.

I wish for you treasure troves of beautiful, straight, raw wood to shape, mold, craft, build with, sand and stain. I hope to follow in your footsteps here too as I embrace woodworking. (I’m keeping your tools though, so you’ll have to find your own there, ha!)

I wish for you thousands of books to read. Wow, I love your love of reading.

I wish for you the reconnection with all of your loving pups... Laddie, Loupe, Heidi, Samantha, and Lil' Bit. Please give Libby, Brown Dog, Smokey, Porter, and Kolby my love (and a rawhide too).

I wish you well on your final flight, Sir. Godspeed. Thank you for your service.

Raising my glass right back to you. I will listen for your voice and feel your embrace on the wind.

I love you All Ways ~

Jennifer

P.S. I hope you get to meet Tina and I hope Mom has hooked up with Elvis :)

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Thank you in advance for all who have held space for us these past six years while we've cared and advocated for Dad. A big celebration is forthcoming... May 4th in Murrysville, PA. More details to come soon