Dear Dad

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Dear Dad,

For you, a perfect Sunday was to start off by sharing a big breakfast with us along with a Bloody Mary (with bacon, of course!) and then to get the Steelers on.

On this Sunday afternoon I sit here at the dining room table. This brisk and wild January wind is blowing all of the sets of chimes out there on the deck, and the late afternoon sun is pouring through the window warming my face and my tears as they pour down my cheeks.

On this Sunday afternoon I sit here equipped with my Bloody Mary (with bacon, of course) and my pen and pad. Through tears of happiness and heartbreak I begin to collect some thoughts.

How do I encapsulate the legacy of your 81+ embodied years… living as an absolutely stellar, loving, faithful, heartfelt, kind, gentle, soft, wise, humble, community-minded, service-oriented, nurturing, fun, and generous human being? You carried more integrity in your little finger than most in their entire being-ness. You were also daring, adventurous, naughty, rebellious, and dangerous (a bit, haha). You are truly a good man and a badass too. And… swoon… sooo handsome (I know, I know… you always brushed off compliments, yet they kept coming).

You are my best friend, #1 cheerleader from Day 1, lifelong confidant, and Anam Cara. You are the greatest father I could have ever asked, dreamed, prayed, and hoped for. You have been the best G’Pa for Emily for almost 22 years, and then being here for Lili as a bonus-G’Pa these past nine years. You have been the best brother for your sister. You have been the best father-in-law for both Jeff and for David. You have been a best friend to all you meet. Above all, you were the most amazing, loving, and loyal partner for your wife of 60 years. We let you know last week your mission was to reconnect with Mom, and wow, I hope your reunion has been glorious. I truly hope and pray all is well now.

We are so damn blessed to have six extra years with you after Mom’s sudden passing in 2018. With you living with us, we three generations saw and experienced life to the fullest together. All of it. You didn’t even miss a beat with your move to receive 24-hour care at the Hollidaysburg Veterans’ Home in August 2022. We have been blessed to still share time with you often, and I am delighted that even on those days we were together in person we’d still be on the phone three, four, five, six times a day checking in on each other. We always told each other we loved each other more than once on those calls. I heard you share those three words for the last time last Monday… so almost a week ago... I will treasure that, and will also hold close in my heart the last gaze and smile you gifted me Thursday.

I feel hollowed knowing the phone now will not ring with you on the other line. I hold hope and pray you and I remain close. I still need you, and even while I celebrate you and am so proud of your great big and wondrous Heavenly step Friday, I have absolutely no idea how to live life without you now…. I am gutted knowing you’re not in your bedroom here at our home. My heart aches with how much I already miss you. Even though you were small in stature, you carried a huge heart presence. I am feeling that loss of your physical presence and yet I feel your heart and love everywhere now… it is going to take me some time to adjust, I know.

Dad, you were not only a stellar human within our family circle, you embraced everyone in the greater community circles to feel like family too. In these last six years especially, I have witnessed and learned (up through even today) how you have touched so many people’s lives. You are a healer and and a helper: one who has been placed here to most definitely make the world a better place.

Aside from being my father, you have also been my first teacher and mentor. Even in your last moments you were showing me how much there is to see when we slow down, remain soft and steady and quiet, remain present, and breathe. You showed me what it was to experience a very good death. I have so much to learn from you still… we all do. Please continue to teach us. I am so proud of and happy for you and I am learning how to celebrate your passing with all my might.

I pray I follow in your footsteps as you lead. I will forever be grateful for everything… thank you.

I wish for you sunset walks on the beach with Mom. I know you two always loved that threshold place of sun, wind, sand, and water.

I wish for you access to a lot of fast cars, motorcycles, helicopters, and hot-rod vintage beauties with big engines. Jeeps and old Mustangs, especially... I hope you can work on them there too ‘cause that’s what you loved to do.

I wish for you treasure troves of beautiful, straight, raw wood to shape, mold, craft, build with, sand and stain. I hope to follow in your footsteps here too as I embrace woodworking. (I’m keeping your tools though, so you’ll have to find your own there, ha!)

I wish for you thousands of books to read. Wow, I love your love of reading.

I wish for you the reconnection with all of your loving pups... Laddie, Loupe, Heidi, Samantha, and Lil' Bit. Please give Libby, Brown Dog, Smokey, Porter, and Kolby my love (and a rawhide too).

I wish you well on your final flight, Sir. Godspeed. Thank you for your service.

Raising my glass right back to you. I will listen for your voice and feel your embrace on the wind.

I love you All Ways ~

Jennifer

P.S. I hope you get to meet Tina and I hope Mom has hooked up with Elvis :)

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Thank you in advance for all who have held space for us these past six years while we've cared and advocated for Dad. A big celebration is forthcoming... May 4th in Murrysville, PA. More details to come soon

The Sacred and the Mundane

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I am dedicating this to the most sacred of places we may find mundane, normal, and passed by.

This is the entrance to a country driveway. This is a spot that most drive past every day without even taking notice. To the left of this drive is a large, bountiful cornfield. To the right is a pasture for beautiful and friendly dairy cows.

What I can share about this spot is that it may be the most magical of all passed by places on Earth. For this spot is where, eight years ago, I was held for the very first time by the Man who caught my breath in my chest and heart and dreams, and who invited me to rethink everything about what I understood a relationship could be.

This is the place where I Knew when I first held Him, I was holding onto a great tree of a Man - an ancient oak of a Man. I immediately Felt this and Knew this as soon as I put my arms around Him in this place, that He could hold me steady through all of what Life has to contribute. And, not only have we held each other through the storms, we have held each other in tenderness, laughter, joy, healing, connection, hope, creativity, and immense expansion as individuals.

When I pass by this place I feel the rush, the excitement, and the promise.

Here is to all of the sacred places we pass by every day. We may not understand it immediately in our mundane daily flow, but we pass by places like this every day... places where love has been kindled and places where love has been lost... places where life has been created and places where life has transitioned... places where brilliance has been fully realized and places where great suffering and atrocities have occurred.

The land upon which we all move is the same land upon which our ancient peoples moved... ancestors of ancestors. They hold us even now as we move through our daily and sacred mundane. The land holds us now through our daily and sacred mundane.

Please notice all of these sacred and mundane and normal places as you pass by. All we need to do is to slow down, to listen, and to become aware that these places exist everywhere.

The land and our collective ancestors will benefit from our attention, our care, and our tending.

Until next time I offer these words of wisdom for better or for worse. Please take them with a grain of salt for we each live our own individual truths. Our mission while we are here is to understand, accept, and celebrate that one very simple, but incredibly significant fact. For all this, I am grateful.

Creative Needs

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I am welcoming my Self into these Autumn energies by deeply embracing creative needs. I am playing with inks and paints and pens and brushes again. I am writing every day. I am receiving support from mentors and bodyworker-healers. I am investing deep time offline and enjoying the process of hearing my own voice and heart. I am embracing more closely the cycle of life and death, the sun and the moon, lightness and darkness, the change and pace of seasons... and the greatness of it all. I am working with my amazing partner to reconfigure space in our home to suit our needs for family and creativity and work. I am deeply enjoying this powerful, creative, soft feminine way of being in the world.

Until next time I offer these words of wisdom for better or for worse. Please take them with a grain of salt for we each live our own individual truths. Our mission while we are here is to understand, accept, and celebrate that one very simple, but incredibly significant fact. For all this, I am grateful.

New Beginnings

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I have always found writing to be inspirational and transformational. Creating connection and healing through words has been my primary form of work for a decade, and yet writing creatively outside of work with regular intent is something I have put on the back burner these past five+ years while my world regularly danced and dangled me upside down. As space comes back into my life, so do the shapes, images, colors, textures, channels, and words that flow through me. To say the least I am very excited.

This coming Sunday I begin a new project dedicated to writing and rest and soul work with an exceptional writer I have followed for many years. Join in if you feel called. I find David Whyte's "Three Sunday Series" to be a small and manageable commitment that will pay off for many moons to come. My fountain pens are inked, and my journals are ready.

https://live.davidwhyte.com/

Until next time I offer these words of wisdom for better or for worse. Please take them with a grain of salt for we each live our own individual truths. Our mission while we are here is to understand, accept, and celebrate that one very simple, but incredibly significant fact. For all this, I am grateful.

The Art of Change

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Wow... I shared this image SIX YEARS ago on Facebook?

The world was a very, very, very different place for my heart and reality six years ago. Never ever would I have imagined the shifts our family would move through since then, especially beginning in April 2018. I am choosing to celebrate It All.

My husband and I shared a good old-fashioned gratitude-induced cry in the kitchen this morning. We have been by each other's side since 2015 (living 3.5 hours away from each other for most of this time) and for that I am incredibly grateful. So much to share and so much to honor, especially these home spaces that have held us through the years. The invitation continues to open for so much healing and rest and connecting here in this current reality after all we’ve moved through, especially after the massive shake-ups of the past five years. I am grateful and happy to understand I am feeling a bit more robust each day and I am looking forward to some mighty adventures in the coming months.

Still, I am feeling nostalgic for this amazing space I called home for five beautiful years between 2013 and 2018. I miss this garden.... those rocks and that quince... the apple tree in the back where the doe would graze in the late summer mornings and evenings while their fawns stayed close by in the tall grass. I miss that double rocking chair. I miss that beautiful barn. I miss being close to the circle of my closest women-sisters, knowing this home and the spirit of this home held so many of us women and our children and our dreams through deep life transitions. I miss drinking coffee out of that fantastic mug (she holds paint brushes now in my creative space). I miss the idea of what I thought the years between 2018 and 2023 would look like.

Yet, it's all been so beautiful and filled with blessings despite the different and immediate circumstances I was invited into. Different and difficult yes, yet marvelous in so many ways and grounded in instinct and the power of rootedness to place and what Home really means to me. Life is full of change, and while I have been practicing the Art of Change for almost all of my close-to-50-years on the planet, I can say the last five years have really been the biggest learning curve. I know I carry forward so much from these times of learning including my heart who is softer and more open and receptive than I could ever imagine.

I Am Here, no matter where my heart finds herself. I Am Home now, no matter where my home space may be. I Am Grateful for It All <3

Until next time I offer these words of wisdom for better or for worse. Please take them with a grain of salt for we each live our own individual truths. Our mission while we are here is to understand, accept, and celebrate that one very simple, but incredibly significant fact. For all this, I am grateful.